I’m sure you can imagine the alarming number of beauty products that fill my house. Sure, I have a designated room which holds my various beauty cabinets full of unopened products, as well as a huge project desk filled with hundreds of products that are currently being tested, are slated to be tested, or were tested months ago but because I’m lazy they’re still taking up space on the desk. Then there’s the spillover… Boxes and boxes full of beauty products scattered throughout the house and random beauty items you may find on coffee tables, end tables and even in the kitchen. Yes, my husband is a very tolerant man. Now, I’m not a total disaster. I do take the time at least once a month to cull the collection on my desk:
- If I used the product and liked it but I’m not ready to write about it, it goes into the beauty cabinet with a sticky
- If I’m actively using / testing a product it stays in its coveted position
- If I haven’t been testing a product but I want to, it gets moved up to the front to remind me to try it
- And of course if I’ve tried it and never used it again because I didn’t like it or it didn’t produce the desired results, it gets sent to the dreaded Beauty Graveyard — an unspeakable bin full of beauty products that will probably never be seen or used again.
And with that I introduce my new post category, da-da-dum… Banished to the Beauty Graveyard!
My first victim (actually who am I kidding? I’m the victim for spending $210 on something I barely use) is the Chantecaille ‘Nano Gold’ Energizing Eye Serum ($210), which according to Nordstrom should produce the following results, “Dark circles are reduced, fine lines are ironed out and puffiness is drained, to reveal a more youthful, luminous eye area.” Well that sounds pretty exciting, doesn’t it?? Especially for someone like me who is always looking for something to deflate the Louis Vuittons under my eyes.
So what compelled me to roll the dice on such a high stakes wager?
Well… after a few cocktails with my friend Angela we stumbled into a gift-with-purchase event at Neiman Marcus in San Francisco. Yes, I know this is a bad idea on many different levels, but it certainly didn’t stop me from bopping from counter to counter like I was in a video game that scored high for every gift-with-purchase I earned (and by earned I mean spent exorbitant amounts of money on products I didn’t need so I could get my hands on a pleather makeup bag filled with deluxe samples I’ll never use). After Angela made a score at the Jo Malone counter by buying herself some goodies and me my favorite candle, Jo Malone Wild Bluebell Scented Home Candle ($65), because she’s incredibly generous and she also obviously wanted to ensure she spent enough to get the GwP (which she ended up giving to me, bless her heart), we headed across the way to the Chantecaille counter. Da-da-dum.
I was instantly entranced by the GwP display (a crappy white pleather makeup bag with a few samples of skincare I would never use) and of course the woman behind the counter saw that familiar look in my eye that pays her bills and immediately grabbed their most expensive item and came around to give us a demonstration. With my puffy eyes, champagne breath and crazed look I was the perfect mark. She showed Angela and I on the back of my hand the “instant brightening results” and I SWEAR we both saw the results. The saleswoman then applied some to my right eye and showed me a mirror. I don’t know if it was wishful thinking, the champagne, the lighting, or a combination of all three, but Ang and I were convinced this product was a miracle depuffer.
16 Hours and $210 Later
Giddy as schoolgirl, the next morning I rolled the little gold ball under my eyes. Nothing. I rolled it on my hand thinking it just needed to be primed. I rolled for a good 5 minutes and I finally felt moisture. I immediately applied the rollerball to my under eye and I guess since not enough liquid was coming out the rollerball actually caught and pinched my skin and left a red mark (and a red flag for that matter). About ten more minutes of back and forth of rolling on my hand then my eye, I finally got the serum to creep out of the rollerball and onto my skin. I waited 5 minutes for the serum to absorb and anxiously looked in the mirror, excited to see my bags “deflated” and eyes “brightened”. Nada. Just that red mark.
2 Weeks Later
The experts say you’re supposed to use a skincare product 2 weeks before making a judgment on the results. As a beauty addict, I’ve found several skincare products that work as fast as 5 minutes, but fine I gave the Chantecaille ‘Nano Gold’ Energizing Eye Serum a full two weeks, mostly because I spent $210 f’ing dollars on it! At the end of the two weeks? Zero. Just a few more red spots where the damn rollerball tugged at my vulnerable under eye skin.
Goodbye Chantecaille ‘Nano Gold’ Energizing Eye Serum. You will not be missed and I will always feel regret when I see you because you made me feel like an asshole for dishing out $210 on something that didn’t even work. You deserve your lifetime banishment!!Janna Posted by janna Tags Beauty Graveyard, Chantecaille, Puffy Eyes, skincare