Thursday, September 20, 2012

From the Archives: Beauty Addicts Anonymous

Late at night when I should be sleeping, but instead I am trying to rack up $150 in product to qualify for Neiman’s gift-with-purchase, I wonder if there could be a support group for addicts like myself. Then again, it would probably do more harm than good…

Instead of the typical smoke-filled room, (second-hand smoke is detrimental to the skin) the air is thick with a strong mix of Jo Malone, Bond No. 9, and Marc Jacobs perfumes. The beauty addicts fumble through their bags for their Guerlain compacts and Chanel glosses, trying to distract themselves from asking the addict next to them what kind of skincare she’s using.

The first addict walks up to the podium, twisting flat strands of her keratin-treated hair. “Hi, I’m Jane. I am a beauty addict.”

The room chants together, “Hi Jane.”

“I have been an addict since I watched my mother put on makeup for the first time…”

No one is really paying attention. They are silently deconstructing Jane’s product regimen, stumped on whether her cheeks are flushed from Tarte Cheek Tint in Blushing Bride or Nars Orgasm.

“I’ve always spent a lot on beauty products, but lately it’s gotten to be a real problem,” she pauses, staring at the girl in the front row. “Nice gloss. Dior Little Red Dress?”

The girl nods approvingly. Jane continues, “Things have gotten so bad I can’t afford to pay my bills to keep up with my La Mer habit.”

The others give her looks of empathy.

“I was in Barney’s the other day, looking to buy my boyfriend a Kiehls gift basket for his birthday and I found myself helpless at the Chantecaille Counter. The saleswoman insisted on showing me their new Spring line. Instead of buying my boyfriend a gift, I ended up purchasing two new shadows and a powder compact!”

Jane breaks down in tears, shamed by her gluttony, and returns to her seat. Girls from every angle hand her tissues, blotting film, concealer, mascara, and pressed powder. Little Red Dress gloss girl from the front row raises her hand. “Excuse me, but I have a question for Jane.” Jane slowly raises her eyes from her compact. “What do you think of the new Chantecaille shadows? I’ve heard mixed reviews…”

Picture via PeanuttoTheButter

Janna Posted by Tags , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 Responses to “From the Archives: Beauty Addicts Anonymous”

  1. September 20, 2012 at 6:43 am, lucie said:

    from another beauty addict, Nars Orgasm is overrated and La Mer share at least 10 ingredients with Nivea cream.


  2. September 22, 2012 at 11:42 pm, mom said:

    so cute!! you talented woman


  3. February 19, 2013 at 9:51 pm, Banished to the Beauty Graveyard: Creme de la Mer (La Mer Moisturizing Cream) - Beauty Binge | Beauty Binge said:

    [...] to GwP events. You would think at some point I would just learn to avoid them!  (I have suggested Beauty Addicts Anonymous but our disease simply isn’t being taken [...]


Leave a Reply