Friday, March 1, 2013

Staging Intervention for: Jennifer Aniston

I know, I know… I said I wouldn’t even show Jennifer Aniston’s photos in my Oscars post  because I was so disgusted with her “let me just run a brush through my hair and throw on a ball gown” look.  But her hairstylist Chris McMillan recently did an interview for People Magazine  explaining why he sent her down the red carpet looking so boring, “She wanted to keep the makeup natural and the hair natural. I think it’s about, at this point, being really comfortable on the red carpet.” This was my last straw. It’s intervention time…

Jennifer, please remember I’m staging this intervention because I care. I feel like I’m speaking on behalf of a lot of your fans who are just dying to see you show up on the red carpet again actually looking like you give a shit.  You’re obviously a stunning movie star, no one is doubting that. But there was a day not long ago  when you would rock an updo and a sultry smoky eye for a red carpet rather than the same hair and  makeup as a night out at the local taqueria.

Let’s take a look at you at the Oscars this year:

Jennifer Aniston

 Is it me or did Chris McMillan make that statement to People because he wanted to make crystal clear that you insisted on wearing your hair down, casual, and drab?  We’re yet to hear from your makeup artist — she’s probably locked herself in a closet somewhere in West Hollywood with a bottle of vodka, rocking back and forth chanting, “She wouldn’t even let me give her a statement lip. She wouldn’t even let me give her even a statement lip.”  Poor thing.

I love how Chris McMillan’s statement says “I think it’s about, at this point, being really comfortable on the red carpet.” What point?  At what point does any starlet need to be comfortable on the red carpet?  If that were true, instead of the red Valentino gown perhaps you should have worn your usual boyfriend jeans since you’re all about the comfort.

Jen (may I call you Jen?),  we all know that a red carpet is no place for you to get in touch with your natural side.  Since the inception of Hollywood and award season the red carpet has been all about bringing the glam, turning starlets into icons and inspiring wedding and black-tie looks for us regular people.  Unfortunately all you inspired at the Oscars was a rush for us regular people to book dermatologist and oxygen facial appointments.

I know this next part is going to hurt, but I feel you need to hear it.  You’re not 25 anymore, in fact you’re not even 40 anymore. Don’t you think it’s time to start making SPF 50 and a floppy hat a ritual for your frequent beach vacations?   At least get an oxygen facial the morning of an award show to plump those valleys on your forehead and around your eyes.

Jennifer, I’m not sure what’s going on with you right now. Maybe it’s pre-wedding jitters or you honestly just don’t give a shit anymore, but by showing up at the Oscars looking the way you did you’re sending a message to young women everywhere that glamour is dead.  That’s right I said it.  Take some responsibility and bring back some of that iconic red carpet style we know you have buried beneath all that baby oil and Vitamin Water.  I want you to know that I’m here to talk and to help you through this difficult time.

Janna Posted by Tags , , , , ,

4 Responses to “Staging Intervention for: Jennifer Aniston”

  1. March 01, 2013 at 11:56 pm, Angela said:

    Janna- Well done! It also looks like someone rubbed a balloon on top of her head….Maybe she stopped off at Chuckie Cheese for a snack…and some static.

    Reply

  2. March 02, 2013 at 7:44 pm, andria said:

    She should just let her hair go wavy, its natural state. Her hair is fried from so much blow drying and trying to look like Angelina. She’s a mess.

    Reply

    • March 03, 2013 at 1:06 am, janna said:

      AGREED. I was looking at some old red carpet shots of her and she pulled off glamourous with those beachy waves because she looked like she gave a shit. She also bothered to wear makeup.

      Reply

  3. March 20, 2013 at 12:19 am, Jill said:

    Jennifer Aniston’s hair fried? Are you f-ing kidding me? I highly doubt she has ever tried to look like Angelina. J.A. is perfectly beautiful in everyway and had looked like that for as long as I can
    remember. Not everyone needs to fit the red carpet mold. She looks like herself. Why do “a statement lip” if that’s not who she is. She is a natural beauty and that’s a very lucky thing to be.

    Reply

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